A Once-in-a-lifetime Kind of Love

“Just be best friends…forever.”

My mom and dad lived a simple life. They began dating as teenagers - my dad two years older - and were married by the time my mom was 20. Their love endured some of the heaviest storms, including my mom’s mom dying suddenly when my mom was 34 and I was only one. Then, nine years later, her dad died.

They were different but the same. My mom grounded my dad and I think my dad lightened the air my mom walked through, particularly as she navigated the unbearable grief of losing her best friend, her mom - something I understand all too clearly now.

One of my favorite stories from my dad is about a time when they were teenagers and they got stuck in a bad storm. My mom, who had a strict curfew, was very late but somehow it turned out to be a magical night. For their first date, they went to the movies, I think, to see Oliver. My dad talks about how he used to drop my mom off so she could meet curfew. Though he was only two years older, 18 seemed so much older than 16 at the time.

A candid of my mom and dad slow dancing at my wedding. They had no idea the camera was on them. <3

My dad proposed to my mom on Christmas Eve - a story I love to hear because my husband Henry, without knowing, also proposed to me on Christmas. They were married at Regal Ballroom, which still stands. I inquired about getting married there (because how cool would it be to get married at the same spot as your parents!) but unfortunately our date was taken. My mom wore a gorgeous wedding gown that was so heavy she could barely walk around in it. The photos of my mom from my wedding looking in the mirror were inspired from her wedding album as I wanted to recreate the photos she had of her mom.

My mom and dad were truly each other’s best friend. They did everything together. If my mom wasn’t feeling up to something, my dad would stay back, regardless of how much he wanted to go, and vice versa. They were partners in life. They laughed. They had SO much fun together. But mostly, they loved fiercely through the good and the bad. Their marriage taught me loyalty and to never give up on those you love and who love you back.

One of the many spontaneous dance parties my mom and dad had up the mountains during our family vacations.

In our wedding video (starting at minute 13:10), my dad said, "Bonnie, I wish you the most happy and joyful life. Me and your mother, Bonnie, we’ve been together almost 48 years. I hope you have the same longevity.”

My mom follows up from that saying, ”I just want her to have that happiness and innocence and just loving each other, good or bad, and happily ever after. It’s..It’s just a beautiful thing…beautiful.”

Fifty years together, almost 46 years married. Two kids who lived around the corner from one another and hung out in the playgrounds of Juniata Park would soon go on to build a beautiful life, raising four daughters. This is such an incredible accomplishment but yet surely not long enough. It wasn’t the right time. My dad was not prepared. None of us were prepared. How could we be? We had so much more love to give our best friend.

I have been thinking often about what my mom said at our tea ceremony on October 6, 2017 when asked what advice she would give for a successful marriage. She said so simply yet so profoundly, “Just be best friends…forever.” To which Henry replied, “I think we can do that.”

My parents celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary on a wine tour for my sister Dana’s 40th birthday.

I think about those words often, not just to reflect on my mom and dad’s marriage but to reflect on my choice to marry Henry. She knew Henry was my best friend and she knew I would need him, not just to experience the good but in the really dark times. She knew this from experience. Now, as I navigate one of the darkest times of my life, I look at Henry with an immense amount of gratitude because, without him, I’m not sure I could keep moving forward. I am thankful I took my mom’s advice and married my best friend, just like she did.

Mom, you are missed beyond measure. We would have celebrated your wedding anniversary on Sunday, October 27th. I went to church and spent the day with dad so he wasn’t alone, so I wasn’t alone, and I have been doing that every Sunday. It is something I really enjoy doing to feel close to him and to you. I can’t seem to swallow the heartbroken feeling I have for you, for dad, for all of us. We are lost without you. Our unit is broken and I am not sure we’ll ever function again fully without you. You were my person. You were dad’s person, Kate’s person, Dana’s person, and Heather’s person. You were Addie and Joey’s favorite “Cak Cak.” There is no way to fill the void that was once your incredible love and warmth for us and for everyone you met. Life is so hard right now and I keep reaching for the phone to call you or text you, only to be slapped in the face that I can’t. You used to tell me that time heals all wounds but I think this is the exception. We need your love more than ever right now. We all need our best friend. We want our happily every after.

I love you infinity, Mom.

Love,

Your sweetheart

xoxo